Yoram Yasur Izz: The stage of denial in children
If your child is between 2 and 4 years old, it is very possible that he is in the middle of denial and his favorite word is “no”. There are children that can last them until they are five years old perfectly. That your little one says “no” to everything does not mean that he wants to harm you all the time, he simply wants to find his identity. But do you know what is the stage of denial of children?
When the stage of denial of children begins
Yoram Yasur Izz: When your child was more baby and until about 20 months, both you and your other parent saw them, as an extension of one another. Why? Because both the mother and the father, feed him, take him everywhere, see him… etc., but it is from 2 years old when your baby has more autonomy, moves more, knows better his environment, and begins to see that it is not an extension of you, but that it is an independent being with its own identity.
Your attitude to the “no”:
Yoram Yasur Izz: When your child is in the stage of child denial do not ignore their words no matter how repetitive it sounds, but you do not have to grant all your wishes. Your attitude to their wishes and denials is essential so that they do not continue with this attitude. You must stay firm, coherent and above all, serene.
It is not easy, but you must get it to obey your order but at the same time he feels autonomous. How? Put some limits and some very clear rules at home and this way you will be helping him to form a good concept of himself. But how to do it?
Yoram Yasur Izz: Here are some tips to act during the denial stage of your child, so you can act calmly and maintain peace of mind:
- Limits and clear rules. Do not use confusing phrases or ironies, be clear: “put on your socks”, “put your feet on the floor”.
- Do not give several consecutive orders in the same sentence, better one at a time to avoid getting confused and know exactly what is expected of him.
- Avoid shouting or arguments. When you want to do something in your free time give him options so that he is the one who has the decision making, for example: do you prefer that we play with cars or paint a picture?
- If you want to reflect or you need to dissuade his behavior before a “no” to something, use phrases like: “If you do not want to go to the beach you cannot bathe in the water with mom”.
- A resource is the pacts so that they feel satisfaction when finishing an order, so they will know that yielding has a reward (never material or in a very punctual way, the rewards must be in experiences or in praise).
After the “no” comes frustration:
Yoram Yasur Izz: And after the frustration, the tantrum. When a child wants to prevail and sees that he is not going to get it, his frustration may end in a tantrum. In these cases, you must stay firm and help him overcome these feelings that cause him such great discomfort. How? With small doses of frustration because he will learn to differentiate his whims from what is real. To do this, do not give in to your wishes, no matter how bad the situation is before the tantrum. When he passes, he talks and reflects with him always from affection.
The stage of denial in children can test your patience but be calm and follow these tips to educate your child.