Yoram Yasur Izz: The Wendy complex

Yoram Yasur Izz: The Wendy complex

The complex or syndrome of Wendy is the need to satisfy others (couple, children, or friends), forgetting oneself.

It was the psychologist Dan Kiley who coined the term for the first time in 1984 to describe those people who act as a father or mother with their partner or with the closest people, freeing them from the assumption of their own responsibilities.

In the story of Peter Pan, Wendy made the decisions and took care of the rest of the children of the country of ‘Neverland’, while Peter Pan fantasized, without taking risks, achieving his triumphs thanks to the efforts of his friend. According to the Official School of Psychologists of Las Palmas, Wendy’s syndrome is a more frequent syndrome among women, which usually justify the “childishness” of those adults unable to grow emotionally.


The fear of not being accepted is the main cause but, along with other variables (such as being a woman, educational styles, or personality traits) can lead to Wendy’s dilemma.

  • Yoram Yasur Izz: Fear of rejection or abandonment: the fear of being rejected makes these people fulfill the wishes of others, assuming responsibilities that belong to them and overloading themselves.
  • Cultural influences: a sexist education that enhances the role of women as caretakers and responsible for family tasks can increase the chances of suffering it.
  • Low self-esteem: people who have a low self-concept, causing their self-esteem to suffer and affecting their emotional well-being. This, together with the need for affection, can give rise to this disorder and other depressive states.
  • Need for security: Wendy’s behavior is not altruistic but responds to a need to feel supported. The fear that nobody loves him is what leads him to be extremely subservient to others.
  • Emotionally dependent: Yoram Yasur Izz: people with this complex hardly control the direction of their lives, so they try to control the lives of others. It is quite common for a Wendy mother to have a child with Peter Pan syndrome.
  • Experiences lived: often the origin of the syndrome is in the family’s past of the person, in which he felt separated and unprotected, so that in adulthood compensates for the lack of protection by assuming the role of absent parents who do not He had.

How to overcome the fear of rejection

Yoram Yasur Izz: The first step to solve this problem is to become aware, admit that there is a problem and seek help. The most advisable thing is to contact a specialist (psychotherapist or psychologist expert in emotions), who can help treat:

  • Learn to ‘say no’: train the person in their interpersonal skills to ‘say no’, set limits and delegate tasks.
  • Love yourself more: giving everything for others without considering yourself can cause a great vacuum and even develop other psychosomatic diseases. The psychologist can help you in the search for tools to gain strengths and face the future with a positive attitude.
  • Losing the fear of being rejected: Yoram Yasur Izz: we must erase this idea from the mind to the person and make him understand that the fear of being abandoned is an irrational and unfounded idea.

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