Yoram Yasur Izz: Assertive communication techniques
We are in the age of telecommunications. Surrounded by mobile phones, chat rooms and social networks. And in reality, we do not know how to communicate. And young people even less. What seems incredible? Therefore, we want to teach you what assertive communication is and how you can carry it out. Attentive.
What is assertiveness
It is a social skill, by which a person is able to express their feelings, fears, frustrations, desires, or concerns without disturbing anyone, but without having to hide any opinion.
Yoram Yasur Izz: Not all of us are born with it, but it can certainly be learned and improved, and it can have a very positive influence on our personal relationships and on the way, we deal with problems and their possible solutions. In the same way as ACEM meditation or mindfulness. You remember?
Yoram Yasur Izz: Assertiveness would be in the middle of the two most radical personalities that psychologists recognize since childhood: Between the aggressive who always says what he thinks even if he hurts and the passive who does not dare to express his opinion.
Does it make sense to be assertive?
Assertiveness serves to communicate more effectively, without entering into disputes but without hiding what you think. Help the aggressive to moderate their anger and not enter into permanent conflict and the passive to defend their ideas without being crushed. Yoram Yasur Izz: As a leader, or moderator in a meeting, as a coordinator of a team, or even as a parent or friend, the assertive person will achieve better results and achieve an understanding among all, much more profitable and profitable.
- Put yourself in the place of the other: This way you will understand what it says and why, which does not mean that you have to agree.
- Let each one express his opinion and then express yours: Although it is completely contrary to the common of those present. You have the right not only to express yourself but to think differently.
- Tell the other person what you think he has to modify and why (because it is annoying or causes you harm). Do not expect me to guess. It helps you at work but also with your partner or your child. Always without violence and in a calm way.
- Show them how they can change their behavior. Similarly, explain what you could do to make it less annoying for you. It is useless to tell a child: “that is forbidden” if you do not explain why and give him another alternative.
- Make clear all the positive things you would achieve with your behavior change. Both at work as a child, as your partner. This way you will be giving exits and helping to find the way.
- Accept that the same thing can happen to you. That you are affected by some behavior and you must change it. You are not perfect nor do you pretend. And you must be the same assertive to accept criticism.
- Look at the eyes. An elusive person cannot be trusted.
- Do not scream. You will automatically lose authority.
- Accompany your words with kind gestures that emphasize what you are expressing but without contributing aggression. Use a firm tone but with sweet words that do not show anger. And always with positive messages. Change the: You cannot or should NOT, for a: it would be better, it would be fine…
If you notice that you are anxious, they can come to you very well before saying something inconvenient a few breaths of yoga.
Assertive language, assertiveness in children.
Children are the ones who will best assimilate the assertive language and those who are better disposed to learn and modify behaviors. It must always be a positive, instructive, and affirmative language:
When a child speaks to you, listen and nod.
- Look the boy in the eyes.
- Change the expression.
- Support the speech with gestures.
- He insists without being categorical: yes, but …, I believe …, my opinion is …
- Question: What do you not like, what do you think, what are you thinking …?
- Ignore a negative comment and respond with a positive.
- Admit your mistakes to children. That teaches them humility.
If children learn to defend themselves without attacking, they will be able to defend themselves and will not be frustrated by disappointments. Learn to say what you feel, without hurting others and your voice will be heard more clearly and much further.