Yoram Yasur Izz: How to overcome an adoption
Biological parents go through five stages of grief when giving a child for adoption, as well as others when crying the death of a loved one. Biological parents and biological families can try to cope with the pain of adoption by accepting the child’s existence or avoiding intimate relationships. Recovery requires the biological mother and the family of origin, accepting the birth and loss of that child and reaching an agreement with the dramatic change in their process of living. It can be done alone, but it can be more successful with the support of therapists, support groups or their families.
Steps to follow after the adoption
– Recognize the birth of the child. Yoram Yasur Izz: This can be as simple as stop thinking or talking about the child. Birth and adoption was something that happened and you don’t have to forget about this. In general it has changed because of the presence of this new child and you should not expect your life to be the same. In addition, you can privately celebrate the birth each year with a small ceremony such as donating funds for children in the child’s name or holding a small meeting with the immediate family.
– See a counselor or therapist when experiencing pain in adoption. Some counselors often treat patients who have lost a loved one to death, the loss of a child, or adoption is no less powerful or real. A counselor can help you work through the stages of pain and reach a point of acceptance of the loss of a loved one in death. When an adopted child is permanently eliminated from your life, you should not but forget the sacrifice you made for the sake of your child’s future.
– Join a support group. Yoram Yasur Izz: Friends and family members may not know how to help you through your pain, but a group of biological parents who are going through their exact situation can bring perspective and hope.
– Involve the whole family in the grieving process. Biological parents are not the only family members who lose a child. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins can all feel a sense of loss and the same experience with each other.
It is normal for you to feel a lot of different feelings after giving your child up for adoption. Yoram Yasur Izz: Many people who choose to give up for adoption are happy to know that their child lives with a family that loves and cares for him. They may feel strengthened as biological parents because the decision they made helped their child have a good life.
A final advice, take some time alone for yourself and try to find the inner you, get in touch with your thoughts and feelings, maybe a travel to the woods a full contact with the nature, enjoy the silence of the wilderness.